Different

(sorry this post is long and scattered – i’ve been trying to write it for over 2 weeks now…)

I’ve been thinking a lot about birth order since Harper’s birth. It fascinates me that the parts of my personality that are nurtured have something to do with the order in which I was born. I wonder what Eden would be like as a second or third child instead of a first child. There are differences between the child due to dealing with a sibling but also differences in the parenting that I’m recognizing already (even though Harper’s only 2 weeks old). As a parent, here’s what different for me so far:
1) with Eden, I couldn’t wait for the next step – the first smile, the first time she rolled over, the first tooth. This time, I relish everything in the moment knowing that someday Harper will smile consistently and someday he’ll start to walk and talk. Knowing that this is our last newborn, I don’t want things to pass. I don’t want Harper to stop making those little newborn gurgles. With a first, you never know what it’s going to be like to witness or be a part of something for the first time. With a second, you know the potential that lies under that newborn and you know it’s coming soon but you don’t rush to that point and miss what’s in the now – at least that’s how it is so far.
2) I’m so much more relaxed! I don’t worry when Harper last ate or slept or how often he eats or sleeps. I just feed him when he’s hungry and sometimes that’s a meal and sometimes that’s a snack and sometimes I’m a soother and not food at all and that’s no big deal and that’s the way it was meant to be. I don’t worry about how often he’s being held. If he needs to be held, I hold him. And I hold him or keep him in a sling or wrap a lot. Not because he’s fussy but because I like it and want to feel close to him.
3) I sleep beside Harper more than I did with Eden. With Eden, I co-slept if I was having a difficult night and couldn’t be bothered getting up and down. With Harper I sleep with him because it’s the last baby I’ll probably ever get to sleep with and it’s one of the most amazing experiences ever – skin to skin with a newborn – it’s heaven!

Now that I’m home with 2, I’m wondering: “What did I do with all my time when Eden was a newborn???” OK. I admit that having one was difficult but in a different way. It was difficult because I was adjusting to being a mom. And that is a HUGE adjustment. Being a mom that stayed home for a full year and wasn’t at work. I adjusted to structuring my schedule around a child, rather than just around myself. And adjusting to taking care of someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week… What an adjustment that was. It’s a good thing newborns sleep so much at first. Now that there’s two, there’s so much more to do and the newborn just tags along. It’s a different adjustment and in some ways, it’s more of an adjustment for #1 than for the parents.

How’s Eden:
Eden seems to have gone through her initial adjustment with Harper very quickly and now just adores him. Whenever he’s awake, she likes to read him stories and sing him songs. She has the job of making a wipe wet for each diaper change and moves her step stool from the bathroom sink (to make the wipe wet) to his change table to participate in the diaper change. So far, she does not want to miss a single diaper change and is quite insistent on her role (there are tears if I don’t let her know and I’ve already made the wipe wet). She likes to repeat the things we say to Harper, “Give me a burp, little man”, “What’s the matter, Harper?”, “You need to poop?”. She doesn’t seem to be as jealous of him and even wants to show people her little brother now (rather than acting completely disinterested as she did at first). She played with her babies and dolls a lot before Harper but now imitates different things with her babies – she swaddles them and rocks them. She copies what I do with Harper. While I was breastfeeding Harper, I overheard her say, “I’m sorry baby, I don’t have any milk in my nipples for you.” I also now know why they make child carriers that children can wear. I had Harper in the Moby and she told me that her baby wanted to be in the Moby. When I told her Harper was using it, she asked me if she could use the sling. So we modified the sling for her to put her baby in. She wore her baby in the sling for about an hour while playing with puzzles and beads. In the bathtub the other day, she swaddled her water bottle with a washcloth and was rocking it and singing it songs!

How’s Harper:
He’s big and very sturdy and strong. He regained his birth weight in one short week and likes to eat. By 3 weeks he was about 10 lbs 2 oz. He has good neck strength and leg strength. He likes to be swaddled and isn’t a big fan of a soother but doesn’t seem to need a soother to fall asleep most of the time anyway. Our midwives gave us a recipe for an herbal bath for me to take with Harper that would help me heal quickly and help Harper’s umbilical cord heal. I took this bath with him four times in the last 2 weeks. His cord stump fell off after 4 days which is quite quick. During 2 of the baths he smiled a lot just swimming around in the water – something that was very familiar to him.

How’s Reuben:
Reuben wishes he could stay home with us. He was home with me and Eden for 5 weeks before he went back to work. This time he got 1 week off work and had to go back and missed us terribly. He’s trying to finish up so many projects too. Usually his working hours at home are now from 9pm-11pm – when he is wide awake but everyone else is sleeping!

How I’m doing:
It seems little Harper bruised my tailbone on the way out – just like his big sister – and that usually takes a few weeks to a few months to heal. The rest of the healing is almost done except my hips/pelvis. I need to go back to physiotherapy again to start to strengthen my core and pelvis but that just seems like the last thing I want to do now and is difficult to make time for however the pain is very much still there and I don’t think it’s going to go away on it’s own any time soon. It’s been fun to be home with 2 kids during the day and is easier right now since the weather is nice. When the weather turns winter, it will get a little more difficult I suspect… I’m staring to structure my days and weeks and it’s fun this time, rather than overwhelming (which I found it to be the first time around).

Eden holding Harper when Harper was 2 weeks old:

The next few pics are when Mom and Dad VDK were down when Harper was a week old. It was an awesome visit where I had so much one on one time with my kids and Mom made all the delicious meals and cleaned up – it felt like I was on vacation! It was amazing. Eden practiced yoga with her nana:



Eden participating in the Twinkie experience with her dad and nana:


Eden and Harper with both sets of grandparents:

Our last visit with our midwife Genevieve as she is off for the next 3 months. We’ll miss her so much!

A trip to the park for Eden with her new hat from Nana and Papa:

My parents with all 5 grandchildren:

3 pictures of Harper today – he is one month old already!